Life is a moment

My two-and-a-half-year-old wakes up and immediately wants to play. While we play, I’m already thinking about what’s for lunch and when her nap time will be. While eating lunch, I think about what to make for dinner. During dinner, I think about work and how to prepare for the next day. Then, lying in bed before falling asleep, I think, “Wow, that day went by fast.” And then, “Wow, it’s already October. Where did the time go?”

In the blink of an eye, my daughter is two and a half years old, and all I seem to have worried about is what’s for lunch and when her nap time is.

Chronophobia is “the fear of time passing, often linked to anxiety about aging, deadlines, or the feeling of time slipping away.” I never had chronophobia until now.

You go through college, start a job, and maybe even lose a loved one without realizing that time quietly moves forward in each of those scenarios. The change for me happened when I started to notice aging in  parents, in myself, and in a daughter who grows visibly each week. I was just that kid yesterday. Parent are now grandparents, and sooner than I can imagine, I will be one too. The chronophobia is setting in hard.

The final blow came while scrolling Twitter (now X). A quote from philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer perfectly captured what I had been feeling:

“We are always living in expectation of better things, while at the same time we often repent and long to have the past back again. We look upon the present as something to be put up with while it lasts, and serving only as the way towards our goal. Hence most people, if they glance back when they come to the end of life, will find that all along they have been living ad interim: they will be surprised to find that the very thing they disregarded and let slip by unenjoyed was just their life—that is to say, it was the very thing in the expectation of which they lived. Of how many a man may it not be said that hope made a fool of him until he danced into the arms of death!”

In other words, while we sit playing with our kids and dreaming about the future and what true happiness might look like, the future will arrive and we will repentantly wish to relive the past. Time teaches us that both the future and the past pass faster than we expect, and that we often place too much weight on what is ahead, missing what is right in front of us.

Schopenhauer was known as a pessimist, as his quote makes clear. However, I think we all need a dose of realism, or even a small amount of chronophobia, to appreciate what we might be missing.

I am writing this so that you will not end up like me, swinging to the opposite extreme once chronophobia sets in. Some of my struggles are daily anxiety of:

• Rapid and uncontrollable change

• The mortality of loved ones

• The fear of chasing a retirement that may never feel “enough”

• Fleeting moments that too quickly become memories

Once we realize that we are aging and that time truly is passing, there are ways to focus more on the present rather than worrying about the future:

1. Meditation (or Reflection)

   I have never been a big meditation person, but call it what you want. Take a moment each day or week to brief and debrief your time with loved ones.

   • Beforehand: Think, “I am about to see my wife or daughter. How can I make this moment meaningful instead of planning for a future event that may never happen?”

   • Afterwards: Reflect on what you could have done differently. Did you scroll on your phone instead of being present? Did you skip taking a video of your child doing something cute?

2. Reframe Time

   Replace stress-filled thoughts like “time is slipping away” or “I can’t get anything done” with “what can I do right now to make the most of this time?”

3. Plan at the Right Times

   Planning is essential, but do it when you are not with others. Do not let planning your to-do list or dinners compete with crucial moments with your loved ones.

4. Accept the Ending

   Perhaps the most important step is accepting that we are all mortal. As a Christian, I know my time on Earth is short, but I also believe I will go on to a place where time never ends and I will be reunited with loved ones. There can be no chronophobia if time is eternal.

Bringing it back home, life’s happiness is found in the little moments we experience daily, not in the one big moment we dream of that may never come. Yes, life moves fast. But if life is fast, then the sooner we start living intentionally and doing things that bring us joy, the more happiness we will experience overall.

Of course, I would be remiss not to tie this back to my series, Garrett’s Ventures. If life is short, then we should help our kids gain happiness by letting them start living sooner, or said differently, become starters. Our children do not yet grasp time and aging as we do. Don’t make them wait to learn about time until they are graduating college and trying to figure out what their life will become. Help them start today. Not to be confused with making your child grow up too soon, but help them learn who they are earlier in life by trying things.

As I wrote in my earlier blog Life Is Starting:

“Life is a chain reaction. Start in your teens, learn in your twenties, and build momentum. Or don’t, and risk regret in your thirties.That’s why I wrote Garrett’s Ventures. Garrett learns he can just do things, sell gum, work with friends, and solve problems. It’s about action. It’s about starting.”

So, what will you do now? Prepare for your next moment with a loved one, or plan for lunch?